The Darker Half

It never fails. Every year, I wait for the Halloween season (which I count as Mabon – Samhain) with the same kind of excitement as a 7-year-old has for Christmas or his birthday. And every year, I get bitch-slapped.

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Every. Year.

I don’t know what it is! It’s within these 5 weeks or so that the universe is like, “Hey, Aly. Nice to see you again. Here’s your annual dish of Fucking-Crazy-Shit. Enjoy!”

I’ve thought about this for a while now, especially this year since I can actually look back and see my tarot entries for this time last year asking, “What are things going to look like in October 2016?” (Answer: Some Tower, some 10 of Swords, a little bit of 3 of Swords, and – oh, right – Death.)

What is it about this time of year that gets up in my face all the time?

Logical Me says it’s something to do with the energy changes. As the seasons are moving, I notice that things in my life will move as well…and if those things are topics or issues I’ve been ignoring during the “calmer seasons” I am in for a fucking shit-storm. You’d think this knowledge would make me more productive during the “Calm Seasons” to really tackle some shit before it blows up. Truth time: Nope. It doesn’t. Usually I’m so frickin’ exhausted from the Shit-Storm of the previous season, that I’m just hanging on to the life-raft that is Summer or Winter.

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Witch Me says that this time of year has something to do with my inner-psyche that pushes for change. “I feel it in the water,” Galadriel style, and I can’t help myself but to unleash some inner-Witch power and break some shit up to make way for what I really want.

Let’s be real in that we, as Witches, are more aware that our subconscious intentions and magic can really fuck shit up at times. And that has always been the case for me. I’m sometimes even scared to think shit like, “Damn, I hope I don’t get sick next week,” or “Whew, I’m sure having a bad feeling about driving this car right now. Hope I don’t crash somewhere,” because – for real – thinking shit like that makes it happen in my life. I kid you not. See: February 2015

So, since I’ve told myself that I will no longer complain (and my definition of complaining is talking about all the shit you don’t like but not actually offering any kind of solution to it), I’ll try a new tactic in this, the last week before Samhain.

I will focus on the positive. And to be honest, I have a lot of negative that is trying to crash in. My business partners, for example, just did an Exit-Stage-Left and have given me two weeks to restart my old business in a new place. That’s 14 days to make up for a year’s hiatus.

But, this maneuver of their’s doesn’t have to be bad for me. It doesn’t have to spell out S-T-R-E-S-S in huge burning letters inside my brain. It is simply change, like the seasons. I’m sure the leaves aren’t super psyched about having to take the tumble down to the ground when the seasons change…but maybe down there life (or death) is better? (That’s a stretch, I know. But I’m running on Advil Cold & Sinus and some coffee right now.)

I could consider this a change of personal seasons. My life seasons change regularly, almost in-line with the earth’s seasons like I said. So maybe I just shouldn’t fight it so much. I should mature along side these differences, and understand that only through change do we grow as individuals and spirits.

So, here’s to the changing of the year – that wheel none of us have control of – and an understanding that “Going with the Flow” isn’t giving up against the current; it’s just moving in a less exhausting way in the same direction you would’ve been pushed anyway.

-A

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